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Good Hair and Caffeine

I saw Good Hair today with Courtney.  It is a great movie made by Chris Rock about black womens’ hair.  I loved it.  You will love it to if you have any taste and don’t like lame boy sci-fi shit movies.  Boys have the worst taste in movies.  They are like dogs, or maybe rats.

I have decided to stop pretending I’m an Asiaphile.  I’m really not.  It’s a joke to pretend that I’ve ever been that way.

 

This is the kind of man I want, hence why I am forever single

Ode to the Cinnamon Oat Scone

You are making me fat

but I still love you.

I ate you for dinner

tonight and last night.

You are good old and young.

You are sticky in the morning

when I put you out to sell.

I gave one of you to a homeless man

in front of Whole Foods.

He loved you too.
Yes, this is where my creative writing degree is taking me.  I am seriously really into this scone.  I can’t look at it without being in love.  I cannot describe to you how amazing this scone is.  I don’t even like scones and it’s good.  It’s SO GOOD.  I need to stop eating this scone every day.  It’s not worth being obese over.

Today a woman ordered 160.00 worth of cookies, which actually isn’t that many cookies, and she said it was for a funeral.  I wanted to write on her order form that people who give her the cookies should be nice to her, but I didn’t.  Sadness.

I am concerned that Mary Liz has lost her mind.  Does anyone agree with this?  If you do, pls comment.

I really wish that my store did not sell Jewish pastries.  It PAINS me to listen to people say rugelach and hamentashen incorrectly.  It is horrible.  I am tired of representing Jews.  I hate it.  I hate being Jewish—it has brought me nothing but pain and suffering.  NOTHING GOOD.

 

 

Victory for R Doctoroff

Today I went to Whole Foods and bought my favorite thing–precut jicama.  Then I came home and ate some and it was sort of slimy and gross and I looked at the packing date and it was 11/11/09.  GROSSIX.  My dad is super pleased with himself because he is very anti-pre-packaged vegetables.  He wins one.

Sorry I have not been blogging.  I have been busy with celebrating my quarter century birthday.  I am old now.  It’s sort of horrible and I hate it.

Today there was a 15-year-old aged boy having an argument with his mom about why he couldn’t get a fruit tart.  It was so weird.  He was also playing with his mom’s hair.  It was so weird I wanted to disappear into the soymilk container.

If you would like me to write you a personalized blog post- style letter (even if I don’t know you), you can email me your address and I will write you one.  My email is: julia.doctoroff@gmail.com.  I will write you!

You can choose from the following topics:

my dad

the bakery

food

cookies

Underrated Gem: Stonestown Galleria

People who live in SF and have never been to Stonestown might as well pack up their shit and go back to their lame East Coast suburbs and Midwestern towns. You are DEFINITELY not a real San Francisco person unless you have been here.  It’s much better than Downtown.  I think so.  The food court is very good.  I bought a dress there today from Ann Taylor and the people there were very nice and helped me a lot.  I don’t think the people downtown would have been as nice.  There is also a McDonald’s connected to the mall, and we all know how I feel about McDonald’s ice cream cones–very positive.  I think people that look down on McDonald’s are not real Americans.  I think there is a real joy that can be found in both the mall and McDonald’s.  I don’t like people who think they are too good for these thing–they aren’t.  If people want to eat wheat bread at home, then they can, but I cannot say that, that is FUN.

Other American things I enjoy:

-The Daly City movie theater

-Hamburgers

-the 4th of July–Voglix Day

-summer

-Los Angeles

More on BS

The Ben Simrin post keeps getting lots of spam porn comments.  Interesting.

Followers of Julix

Since everyone made a big huff about not being on the list of regular readers, I would like for the so-called “regular readers” to announce themselves in a comment.  In the comment, please state your name and what draws you to the blog.  Example: Molly Austin, I am drawn to the blog because I am constantly online because I am a college student and because I am engaged to Julia.  Perfect example.

Strange people I noticed today at the gym:

-the same woman with a baby working out right near the gym rules that state “no persons under 12 years old”—seriously, woman, there are nannies for a reason…I know lots of them.  What if I am running around in the gym on a crazed run and I bang the stroller OVER??!  WHAT THEN?!

-man with a headband and a spandex suit who is balding and looking very ridiculous and ugly

-skinny man who looks like he is 11 even though he is probably 30 doing strange ab exercises and, I believe, trying to “bulk up”

-my best friend Harvey, the older man who is always there when I’m there–I’ve never talked to him

I am reading a horrible book right now but I can’t stop reading it. It’s called American Wife and it’s by the woman who wrote Prep and the Man of My Dreams.  All of her books are horrible and stupid and sexist and sort of poorly written, and yet I read them all.  This is sort of exactly how boyfriends are.  I hate them, and yet I continue to read/have them.  Jesus, I really need to get it together.  Worse, this book is about Laura Bush.  JESUS!  What am I?  A 45-year old Texan woman?  No no no.

 

 

American Psycho

I saw this movie today with Mat.  I chose it as a last resort because Mat said we could either watch Mystery Science Theater, a Western, or a Hitchcock movie.  None of those appealed to me, because as you would know, my movie taste is either 90s teen movies, movies with Winona, movies with cute boys, realistic movies.

Movies I hate:

-really scary movies that are very realistic seeming–Silence of the Lambs

-action movies

-end of the world movies

-sci fi movies

-any sort of fantasy movies–harry potter, lord of the shit….

I can’t really see movies with boys.  Boys don’t like my kind of movies.

People I like to see movies with:

Mary Elizabeth, Courtney, Mica, Molly Austin

Christian Bale seems a little homosexual in general.  Is he?  I don’t know.  Does anyone know?  I suppose only he knows.

Countdown until birthday: 4 days

Mat is getting a dog.  The dog is probably going to be my new best friend.  I am very excited.  DOGTIME!!!

In other news, I am very anti-tattoos, but I have been entertaining the the thought of getting a small tattoo on my ankle of a cookie.  It just sort of came to me one day.  It’s kind of an incredible idea.  I would probably think a lot less of myself if I got one. I tire of things easily.  We all know that.

Bunny is my hero–so is Gillian/Jen for doing his makeup