SCARY MAN AT TARGET AGGGGGGGGHHH

More blogging will occur until I go back to Yosemite:

Today my mom and I went to Target, a joyous event indeed.  After we were done buying farm animal toys, bubbles, sports bras, gifts for my girlfriend, and bath puffs, we went to the food court.  I got tomato soup that was reheated after they poured it out of a bag.  Lissa got salad and diet coke!  I was talking and Lissa started looking off to the side.  She wasn’t listening.

“What, mommy?”

“That man stole a pizza.”  She was talking about the mini Round Table pizzas.  “Don’t look.  He’s talking to himself.”

He had scary eyes.  His eyes were black and AWFUL. I started to get worried he was going to kill us.

“Let’s go!”

“Okay, Julix.”

But I had to pee.  I wanted Lissa to come into the bathroom but she had to stay outside because we couldn’t bring our things in the bathroom.  SHIT.

I think I’ve been watching too much Law and Order because while we were walking to our car, I was convinced that the scary man was going to shoot me in the back.

Back in AUGUST—SRYix

The blog is on vacation until the end of August.

If you would like the blog to come back, you just have to be patient.  I do not want any more hate mail.  I do not want any more death threats.

I need you to pray to the Lord.  If you can do that, the blog will return to us.

Snail Family

My mom has 8 snail pets. They are very friendly. They live in a lettuce box. They are her class pets. Today she let the kids in her class spray the snails with water. My mom told the kids that the snails liked this even though she didn’t ask the snails!

Benn and I walked to Golden Gate Park from my house today. We lay down in the grass. Benn told me I pronounced his book’s title incorrectly. It is WAY too hot. I am over this sort of weather. I want AC!!

The snail family lives on our porch when it’s here on the weekends. There is one baby snail. It is so cute. I think I will name it Mary Elizabeth.

Benn is making pizza dough. He is getting flour all over the floor.

I have a fan on in the kitchen. It is not a good fan. I still feel really hot.

BACK FROM THE DEAD

I just spent a few weeks in the afterlife. It was fun. Guess who’s bacK? Julix’s back. I have a new single coming out.

I just got back to the lovely state of CA. I spent a lot of time today getting back in touch with my roots. I did this by watching 6 hours of the Millionaire Matchmaker. It is a really incredible show. This is what the woman looks like:

She is Jewish. She is blunt. I am kind of in love. Maybe she can set me up with herself. I really like her because she yells at all of these incompetent rich men. Like just because they are rich doesn’t mean they have game!! Most of them have no game at all. They totally suck. I could totally date better than they can. This one guy kept telling this woman how pretty she was–over and over again. He was so dumb. HE DOESN’T GET IT.

While I was in Detroit with Benn, we both got new Levi’s skinny jeans. We are cool now. We went to a mall in Troy. But Jen and Benn both corrected me and told me it wasn’t a mall. Apparently it is a collection because it has two sides. It has a skywalk! WOW! I love the Midwest–so refined.

I really don’t like it when people take San Francisco away from me. Today Eamon said, “Welcome back to MY city.” NO WAY. He is from Santa Cruz. He might have been born here, but he DID NOT grow up here. That is like me telling Mary Liz, “Welcome back to MY BROOKLYN.” That is not true. I only lived in Brooklyn for 2 weeks.