Yesterday as I was taking the bus home, a trip that was so slow I almost died, a very disgusting Jewish woman was sitting behind me. You might ask, “Julia, isn’t that an every day occurence in NY?” My response, “Yes, my dear blog readers, but this one, like crimes in the Special Victims Unit, was particularly heinous.”
She was talking really loudly on her cell phone. She was talking to someone about her boyfriend whose name was Marty. Some parts of her conversation:
“Yeah, I’m going to his mom’s 60th birthday thing in a couple weeks and apparently everyone they know is going to be there. I’m going to be like totally bombarded because he’s never brought a girl home before….No, I mean, I guess no one else was worth bringing home. I mean, it’s like me, I haven’t been with someone for 7 years. I guess we aren’t the kind of people that need to be in a relationship to feel okay….Yeah, I sleep over there. The whole clothes thing gets confusing in the morning. Yeah, Chantelle knows him. She has to get used to him….It sounds like you’ve heard some things. Yes, she met him on JDate before me. They wrote back and forth but he never called her….Then he figured it out. He asked me if this was going to be a problem and I said no….Yeah, she’s seen him…..I wouldn’t say she’s made it easy. She has a lot of things to work out. That’s her thing. When she met him for the first time he tried to give her a hug but she gave him a handshake.”
My analysis:
-Why is her sister not allowed to be angry?
-She is a loser if she hasn’t dated someone for 7 years. She looked like she was in her prime.
-He sounds like a jerk and also a loser.
-The sister is right. And her name is Chantelle. And she doesn’t seem like a big fat poser Jewish bitch on the bus talking too loudly about her stupid life.
Best television shows:
-Law and Order SVU
-The Office
-30 Rock
-The State
-Lost, though I haven’t seen that much
-Mr. Rogers
Benn is sick right now. He is very whiney and sad. You should probably call him, or at least write him some nice comments. He’s feeling really sorry for himself. He likes to be read to. Please send cash or checks to:
Julia Doctoroff, Teach For America, 315 w 36th st, ny, ny 10018
These funds will allow Benn to come visit and will save me and his medical specialists endless hours of healing.
March 28, 2008 at 2:39 pm
my handshake brings all the boys to the yard
March 29, 2008 at 12:39 am
Don’t call people who have not dated in 7 years losers……and one of the delights of NYC is overhearing people’s conversations, so enjoy…..I don’t think I can contribute to to the BENN fund, but I hope he recovers soon. I am also ill….