One thing I have ALWAYS hated is when people make up last names.
Examples:
Combining your last name with your spouse when you get married. I HATE THIS IDEA. HATE IT. I can think of nothing worse than having a stupid made-up name. You might argue that I make up words all the time. I DO! But I would NEVER change my last name to any of these names:
Julia Jactoroff
Julia Cedardoc
Julia Docidia
Julia Docman
Julia Zelenkoff (this sounds real–combining two Russian names works for artistic purposes)
Julia Doctorpearce
Julia Doctorbrown
Julia Messindoc
Julia Cundoc (hahahhahahahahahahahahha—-GREAT)
Julia Shoff (AWFUL SOUNDING)
Julia Docell (I like this, but only because it sounds like real word)
Other example:
Giving your children an alternative last name that has no origin. One of my parents’ friends did this. It is so STUPID. NAMES HAVE MEANING. That is why they are names! What if I decided to change my name to Julia Dog? Sure, I would love it, but it would be a TOTAL LIE. I am not about lying to the entire world, unless of course it’s hilarious. But is it hilarious to change history to be a new-age San Francisco hippie? NOOOOO!
Things I am SO OVER:
The Irish
Being alternative
People changing their last names to stupid things because they are so committed to eachother that they can’t stand having different last names. THIS IS SICK. I mean, isn’t having sex with the person enough? Do you really have to go to the extreme of making up a word and putting it on your tax forms? WHAT A HASSLE. STUPID! If I ever become that kind of person, I give you permission to slit my throat. But don’t worry because I am a Doctoroff for life. I am going to be the first Doctoroff woman to not wuss out and change my last name.
March 19, 2008 at 5:13 am
Julix Perceptron
Julia Phenomenon
J. Alternative
March 19, 2008 at 5:22 am
Julia will you please just ascend to heaven and take your place among the constellations already
March 19, 2008 at 6:35 am
Some recent things said about your blog:
“An emotional roller-coaster ride”
-Rudy P., Vancouver Sun
“She makes you feel good to be bad!”
S. Ratt, BC Monitor
“Funny, literate … Pretty damn irresistible”
Benn Herzl, Georgia Straight
“Caustic and amusing… a provocative and refreshing new voice.”
Franklyn German, Baseball News Weekly
March 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm
As expected, I love this blog
March 20, 2008 at 3:14 am
Yes please put an end to Julia Gulia!
March 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm
dear ms. matoff,
combining two eastern-european names will leave those officials at ellis island as puzzled as they were when your great-grandparents arrived and were given names right on the spot–only one of the eight(?) got in with the name they used in europe (and those european names were fairly new, too, after the czar decreed that jews now needed last names). hope you enjoyed this saturday morning history lesson.
March 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Better not tell that to Ben Regenspan (Regen + Span)