Jesus…

This one’s for you, Walker.

I am too tired to be funny or entertaining. (Wait, is it even possible for me to be boring?)

I think my life has become so much like Office Space that it’s not really even funny anymore. I am having a work conference right now. I have 3 different T-shirts to wear at the conference. I am one of those people that is old and in a bar and wearing a company T-shirt. The funny thing is, I don’t even think it’s lame. I think my T-shirts are cool. I am also becoming so into work that I think people who don’t work where I do are lame. I think they are stupid and less hardcore than I am. This is true.

Today I was on the bus and Bennnnn told this man reading a statistics book that we were mathematicians. NOT TRUE! I will never be a math person. I think Oberlin is bullshit for making me take a test at freshman orientation and letting me do bad on it so that I thought I sucked at math. I got good grades in calculus. FUCK OBERLIN. Oberlin can suck it. For real…

I just went to a GREAT restaurant called Dinosaur BBQ in Harlem. I got pork. Two different people I was with asked me if I was Jewish after that. Yes, I am Jewish. Yes, I eat pork. Would they ask me that if I were Muslim? Probably not. No, they wouldn’t. Fuck that. I wasn’t offended. But seriously? I mean do all WASPs like to sail? Well, probably, but you know…

I am quitting some things:

-coffee

-soda

-excessive amounts of vodka (but not large amounts)

Today I drank a huge soda at Quiznos and I felt so crazy and ill afterward. I think soda is the root of all evil. Childhood obesity, murder, car accidents, the downfall of the milkman.