Underrated Gem: Stonestown Galleria

People who live in SF and have never been to Stonestown might as well pack up their shit and go back to their lame East Coast suburbs and Midwestern towns. You are DEFINITELY not a real San Francisco person unless you have been here.  It’s much better than Downtown.  I think so.  The food court is very good.  I bought a dress there today from Ann Taylor and the people there were very nice and helped me a lot.  I don’t think the people downtown would have been as nice.  There is also a McDonald’s connected to the mall, and we all know how I feel about McDonald’s ice cream cones–very positive.  I think people that look down on McDonald’s are not real Americans.  I think there is a real joy that can be found in both the mall and McDonald’s.  I don’t like people who think they are too good for these thing–they aren’t.  If people want to eat wheat bread at home, then they can, but I cannot say that, that is FUN.

Other American things I enjoy:

-The Daly City movie theater

-Hamburgers

-the 4th of July–Voglix Day

-summer

-Los Angeles

More on BS

The Ben Simrin post keeps getting lots of spam porn comments.  Interesting.

Followers of Julix

Since everyone made a big huff about not being on the list of regular readers, I would like for the so-called “regular readers” to announce themselves in a comment.  In the comment, please state your name and what draws you to the blog.  Example: Molly Austin, I am drawn to the blog because I am constantly online because I am a college student and because I am engaged to Julia.  Perfect example.

Strange people I noticed today at the gym:

-the same woman with a baby working out right near the gym rules that state “no persons under 12 years old”—seriously, woman, there are nannies for a reason…I know lots of them.  What if I am running around in the gym on a crazed run and I bang the stroller OVER??!  WHAT THEN?!

-man with a headband and a spandex suit who is balding and looking very ridiculous and ugly

-skinny man who looks like he is 11 even though he is probably 30 doing strange ab exercises and, I believe, trying to “bulk up”

-my best friend Harvey, the older man who is always there when I’m there–I’ve never talked to him

I am reading a horrible book right now but I can’t stop reading it. It’s called American Wife and it’s by the woman who wrote Prep and the Man of My Dreams.  All of her books are horrible and stupid and sexist and sort of poorly written, and yet I read them all.  This is sort of exactly how boyfriends are.  I hate them, and yet I continue to read/have them.  Jesus, I really need to get it together.  Worse, this book is about Laura Bush.  JESUS!  What am I?  A 45-year old Texan woman?  No no no.

 

 

American Psycho

I saw this movie today with Mat.  I chose it as a last resort because Mat said we could either watch Mystery Science Theater, a Western, or a Hitchcock movie.  None of those appealed to me, because as you would know, my movie taste is either 90s teen movies, movies with Winona, movies with cute boys, realistic movies.

Movies I hate:

-really scary movies that are very realistic seeming–Silence of the Lambs

-action movies

-end of the world movies

-sci fi movies

-any sort of fantasy movies–harry potter, lord of the shit….

I can’t really see movies with boys.  Boys don’t like my kind of movies.

People I like to see movies with:

Mary Elizabeth, Courtney, Mica, Molly Austin

Christian Bale seems a little homosexual in general.  Is he?  I don’t know.  Does anyone know?  I suppose only he knows.

Countdown until birthday: 4 days

Mat is getting a dog.  The dog is probably going to be my new best friend.  I am very excited.  DOGTIME!!!

In other news, I am very anti-tattoos, but I have been entertaining the the thought of getting a small tattoo on my ankle of a cookie.  It just sort of came to me one day.  It’s kind of an incredible idea.  I would probably think a lot less of myself if I got one. I tire of things easily.  We all know that.

Bunny is my hero–so is Gillian/Jen for doing his makeup

Ben Simrin loves women and so do I

Ben Simrin wants to be part of my blog.  I think it’s courageous of him to ask to be on a blog that mostly highlights gay men.  Ben is the Jackie Robinson of this blog–he’s paving the way for my other straight male friends.  Pretty soon all I will write about is sports and chicken and beautiful women.  Pretty soon this blog will actually be linked on the MLB and the NFL websites.  I’ll become a sportscaster and an athlete and a womanizer.  It will be amazing.  You’ll love it.

Ben and I saw Regina Spektor on Friday night.  I was surprised Ben was going without his girlfriend, because it was kind of a womanish concert to go to, but Ben made up for it with his mannish charm.  I was wearing a snap up, black and red hunting style plaid shirt.  Ben told me that he calls this a sex shirt.  I didn’t understand why wearing a longsleeeved flannel could be considered sexy, but he explained, “Because you can just rip it off.”  I told him that I was wearing a t-shirt under it and he said he’d rip that off too.  What a stud.

 

WORST PEOPLE EVER!

Today there were some REAL crazies lurking in the gym.  One woman was panting TOO LOUDLY and singing along to her music.  I was so angry I wanted to cry.  Then I ran into this teacher from Rooftop and he asked if she was my mother, and I thought that was funny because it was totally insulting to her.  This other woman took off her shoes on the mats.  AGH.  WILL PEOPLE STOP DOING THAT?!  It is so repulsive.  The people who work at the gym need to regulate.

I am sorry if you were not included in the list of frequent readers.  It was made up of people that I remembered and people that comment a lot.  If you would like to make it on to the next list, you should comment a lot.  I appreciate comments.  Comments via gchat about “oh that was so hilarious” or “Julia, you’re such a beautiful genius” do not count.  They have to be made ON THE BLOG.

Bunny dressed up as Dorthy for Halloween.  I am so proud of Bunny for having a great costume.  Gillian and Jen were the scarecrow and the tinman.  I am proud of them too, but not as proud because they were dressed as women and they are women.  That is okay, though, because neither Jen or Gillian is very masculine and I prefer them in their pretty women clothing, but I guess I would support them if they wanted to identify as male.

It is almost my birthday.  If you would like to send me presents, you should.  I like presents. I am going to be 25.  I will be old.  AGH.

Bunny is very intelligent. We are talking in French on gchat and he seems to have retained a lot more french than I have.  He can do accents on gchat–he should get an award.  He has started to say things like “you are a raspberry.”  That sounds so nice in French.  Bunny should move to Paris.

 

Diziness and Insanity

I have been feeling somewhat sick and dizzy and noot well in the head like all day long.  I think this might be a sign of craziness.  I don’t really know.  I wish some of my friends would take up more productive careers like MEDICINE.  I would like to have people to call when I need something.  I have a new doctor.  She is a lesbian but I don’t really consider her a friend because I don’t have her cell phone number and I don’t really think she’d appreciate hearing from me.

Bunny is going to be on Martha Stewart.  I am jealous.  HE IS SO LUCKY!!!  I wish I were a gay man so Martha would invite me onto her show.  I don’t have any gay man qualifications, do I?  Being friend with gay men doesn’t count.  I am kind of a diva, though.  He is going onto the show for a pie competition based on the Pie in the Park thing that his friend Lauren did in Prospect Park.  She is not a gay man.  HAH.

Professions I would like my friends to have so that I can benefit from them:

-doctor (to call them if I have medical concerns)

-rich lawyer (so they can take me out to dinner)

-Alyssa’s job (free tickets and shows)

-dog walker (to play with dogs)

-Hollywood producer (to meet celebrities)

-Late Show host (to be on their show)

-editor (to get my work published)

If you are not working on becoming on of these professions, consider yourself through.  SERIOUSLY!

My sister is being a Kardashian for Halloween.  She is being Khole.  She is an idiot.  I am going to be someone from Mad Men but I don’t have a costume yet.  I DON’T KNOW WHO TO BE!

I had a dream that I was on Mad Men.  I was making out with the gay character.  Yeah, I’m serious.

I would like to give some recognition to people that have supported my blog for a long time:

1. Mica D (she does not like me to use her full name on the blog), knower of all things justice

2. Anna Elsohn/Levin, compulsive internet user/law student

3. Rachael Steimnitz, partner in hating

4. Molly Austin, Vegan dog

5. Bunny Alexander, food correspondent

6. Gillian Mohney, fashion consultant for the blog

7. Janie Doctoroff, Red Sox Society Queen

8. John B. Shaw, rock/water specialist

9. parents, contributors of all things amusing

10. Mary Elizabeth, pop culture editor

11. Gina Landon, Real Chance at Blog

Thank you to all of you for reading and appreciating my work for many years.  I appreciate your loyalty, and I hope that you will continue to read for many years to come.

 

 

 

BEST POLL EVER! VOTE!

My new boyfriend and my new glasses!

So I got some fake glasses at Urban Outfitters.  I promise I haven’t gone totally insane–they look really good on me.  I look a lot smarter.  I feel significantly smarter, too, especially when I’m reading.  Today I was wearing them around Laurel Village and two people–Kari and Courtney (my Barbie friends)–didn’t recognize me at all.  I look THAT much better.  Some people that wear glasses for real think that I’m making fun of their disability, but I’m not, I just wish I could wear glasses for real.  Some people have said that my new glasses make me look like a hipster.  That is okay.  I have also been saying that I’m going to be a hipster for Halloween, and many people have said that, that isn’t a good costume for me because I am one already.  I have decided I am going to have to be REALLY hipster if I do, do that costume.  Fuck my friends for calling me a hipster.  If I were a hipster, I’d be doing coke and listening to any music besides music at the bakery.  If I were a hipster, I would be in a band and be thinner and less smart.  If I were a hipster I would not have had so many Jewish boyfriends, or maybe that makes me more of a hipster, it’s really hard to tell.  But seriously, fuck Jewish boys, even though I hung out with two of them tonight that are very nice, I am tired of them as a whole.  Does anyone agree with me on this?  I CAN say this, you know, because I’m Jewish.

My new boyfriend works at Cal Mart and he has ugly tattoos on his left arm.  One is of something Irish looking and one is of a flower.  They are big and colorful.  Courtney and I were buying expensive deli items in the middle of the day there today and he was checking us out.  We were in the express line and he started checking us out very slowly and saying that he’d overheard we were having a Halloween party and that he had no plans.  Courtney thinks I should have invited him to the party.  He was slightly cute and definitely not gay, but the tattoos really threw me.  I also didn’t realize that he was hitting on us.  I might go by there again.  Maybe people do that at the bakery.  They just haven’t come back yet.

Yes,  Molly Austin, the poll was inspired by you saying that my life is like Will & Grace.  I do not think my life is a gay-based sitcom.  But I don’t think I am Grace at all.  I don’t even have that many gay friends.  Not really.  Only like 3 or 4, or maybe 5.

Today I went into the post office to mail a package and the man there was like, “Your dad comes in here a lot.  He’s a real regular.”  I wanted to be like, yes, he does, but this isn’t like a bar.  What if there were a show like Cheers but a post office based version?  I think someone needs to make a pilot of that.  I get to be Sam Mallone.

Also, I think voting is a huge issue for this blog.  Not enough people are voting on my polls. I check them very often and I don’t think enough people take them seriously.  I really care about your opinions about the issues I have raised–very serious questions require your input.  OK?  Please participate in the blog politics.